Am I chasing the Son?

I was listening to a wonderful, gentle lady speak about how to do simple evangelism.  I loved hearing her tell of her experiences in sharing the message of Jesus with others.  I felt God prompting me to buy her material and study more in this area.  So I bought it and then put it aside as I had no time... so I told myself.  What I didn't realize is that I was saying I had no time for Him, Jesus.  I have only listened to the first 30ish min presentation. And already I am seeing what I missed by putting off listening to her material.  So I would like to share some of what I am learning.

Tough question:
Am I seeing after God and who He is? Or am I just seeking for things from God? 

The bible text: seek you FIRST the kingdom of God and ALL His righteousness.  And then God will give me the things that are needed.  (my paraphrase)

So I ask the question:  Am I seeking things from Him or am I seeking Him?

Next question:  How do I seek Him and not things from Him?

This lady shared about a way to ready the bible that seeks Him.  Look not at the the words of the bible but at the Jesus of the Bible. 

4 Questions to ask yourself as you read about Jesus and how He lived.  
1. What does this passage teach me about Jesus, about His Character about how he acted and lived etc?
2. What does this tell me about myself?
3. Lord, what changes do YOU (Jesus) want to make in my life? (Remember He has to change us, we can not Change ourselves.)
4. Evangelism part: Is there someone you would like me to share this passage or verse with?

This challenged me.   So I put aside my other study I was doing and started the book of John.  What better place to start then hearing from the disciple that loved Jesus and whom Jesus Loved.  It is said that he was the closest to Jesus.  So I chose to start there.  Just the first 5 verses taught me so much about God, about Jesus, about myself.  About what God wants to change in me.  I will share this in my next message. 

But my challenge to you is: what are you doing: seeking things from God or are you seeking God?

Put another way: Are you seeking things for yourself or are you seeking His righteousness and things/people for His kingdom?

A Frontal Lobe Change

Part 2: My Personal Testimony

God works in His ways and all His ways are Good and for our benefit.  I had known for a while that I wasn't living up to the standards of God. I was a missionary but everything I did and everything that I felt was so self-centered that I was deeply and wretchedly unhappy, depressed and living in darkness.  My friends would equate this with motherhood and post-partum depression or just being crazy in my head.  I did too in a way. And I still do believe that was part of it but it was not the sum of the whole. But what was the whole?  I did not know.  I searched and searched and would be brought back to my spiritual condition.  But I heard from others that it was ok, God understands that you have little time because you have children.  I also heard that it is my duty to direct my children to God.  How could I make sense out of all of this?  I needed help.  I cried out to God for direction.  I felt so lost but believed that God if he wanted to save me he would show me the way, the truth and the life... His Son Jesus Christ. I talked to friends but I found nothing.  So I finally left it in God's hand and I would just have to wait for His timing. I hoped I wouldn't be too late.

Have you ever heard the story of Pilgrims Progress? Since reading "little pilgrims progress" to my children, the story has come back to my mind again and again. When I gain new insight to my life I equate it with my wondering from the path of the Kings Way.  It is amazing how that story depicts our life when we are traveling the Narrow Way to Heaven.

With that in mind, I look back over my life. I see many times when God was calling me to his way and I was avoiding it.  I kept putting it off or just didn't know enough to even start walking his way.  I then finally was baptized and started walking the path. I had finally committed my life to him.  But with little excitement, and no directions on how to follow God, I went the way of the world from the very beginning. I see how the devil pulled me to find love and acceptance from anyone but God.  I see how God has called me over and over to get to know Him personally.  I see those moments where God comforted me even when I walked away from Him and got hurt.  God is so good. He loves and draws us to Him daily hoping that we will chose Him instead of the world.  Oh how patient He is.  God has put people into my life and walked with me through trials that have had such a huge impact on me I can scarcely write them all down.  These people have constantly directed me to Him, the one truely good God.  They have given me resources like books, video bible studies, and other publications.  They have shown me a God that is worth both serving and loving with all my being. 

But I'll tell you the resources were not enough.  I needed a frontal lobe change and that could only happen with God.  And it did one evening while reading Psalms 37 and a book called "Telling yourself the truth".  I finally realized and chose to believe I was worthy of being loved. 

I'll share what happened in my next post but realize nothing can change us except if we choose to change our thoughts. 

Blessings from God my Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Nominal Adventist but not a Christian

Part 1: My Personal Testimony

Hi I'm Crystal. I am a nominal Adventist but I'm not a Christian.  Wait that is what I was.  Let me now rephrase that, As of sometime in late 2018 I became a Seventh-Day Adventist and a Born Again Christian.

This seems kind of strange I know. I grew up adventist or at least from the age of four my family attended a Seventh-Day Adventist church.  I attended the adventist school both grade school and high school. I was baptized at age 11, in pathfinders since the age of 9 and a Master Guide since the age of 16. I've led a few bible studies through my church in college. I've held positions in the churches that I have attended, and I have achieved the epitomy of a layman adventist, yes, I am a missionary in a foreign Land. Wow! look at me I should be voted into the Adventist Christian Hall of fame. 

I should have been a christian from the begining or at least from Age 11.  But I would have to say I was not. I was very ignorant of what it even ment to be a Christian let alone an Adventist.  I mean sure I wanted to be like Christ and since perfection is unattainable I was doing the best I could do and sure I believed that Christ was coming back soon. However, I never knew the truth and I still went on living in the world and looking like the world. Isn't that what it is all about? Well I did my best, I had my daily devotions sporatically, I prayed when I remembered or when I was in need or felt like it.  Never really understanding the purpose of prayer except to ask for help to be perfect... and I mean really perfect... like I never should do anything wrong ever again kind of perfect while at the same time knowing I was failing and going to hell... ie die forever cause you know that is what we adventists believe. I was just like any other person in the world, chasing love and acceptance from other people and when I stumbled and sinned, I wanted forgiveness but never really believed I was forgiven, I wanted to be loved by God but never really understood the true meaning of love.  I was so uneducated and lost.  I was a nominal Adventist to the core.  I filled my place in the pew, I gave my tithe faithfully, I never was late to church (if I could help it) and was involved as much as possible.  But still I lacked everything God promised when a person committed their life to Him. I lacked love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness, and self-control.  WAIT! WHAT!  Did I just say that? Did I really have no real fruit of the Holy Spirit??!! So that means I wasn't Christ like and I was nothing that I claimed to be. This was a sad realization for me and I didn't understand why I was this way.  I was in darkness.  And I don't just mean at night.  I wasn't living in the light of Christ and thus I was living in spiritual darkness.

Is this story resonating with you?  Do you feel like you are reading your story?  If not good.  But for those who resonate with this message and even those who don't, I want to say there is a God who hasn't given up on me and because he hasn't given up on me, he hasn't given up on you. How can I say this?  Because of where I am today.  I am no longer a nominal Adventist, I am NOW a born Again, by Christ's blood, Christian . 

I will share the rest of this story in my next blog.

For now may your heart and mind be blessed by the Holy Spirit.